Showing posts with label 人生智慧. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 人生智慧. Show all posts

Thursday, July 02, 2026

當一個人失去工作後,最先失去的是尊嚴

我曾經接觸過一位個案,令我一直印象深刻。他原本在一間歐洲車行擔任高層管理職位。多年來,他一直是家中的經濟支柱,也習慣了自己作為父親、丈夫、管理者的身份。對外,他是一個有位置、有身份、有收入的人;對內,他也一直默默承擔着一家人的穩定與體面。

直到有一天,他被裁了。原因不是工作能力,單純是因為公司架構重組,換言之,公司未來發展,並不需要他的專業。客人雖然有「肥雞餐」,但被裁這種打擊,很多時候外人未必能真正明白。失業固然是對現實衝擊,但對某些人來說,更衝擊的是身份突然崩塌──「我竟然變成了一個沒有工作的人」。

他沒有立即告訴家人。

相反,他做了一件很典型、也很令人心酸的事。連續兩個星期,他每天照常穿上西裝,像平日一樣出門,假裝自己仍然上班。但實際上,他並沒有地方可去,只是坐在麥當勞裡,一坐就是大半天。

當他把這段經歷說出來時,那種感覺其實很複雜。表面上,這是一個關於面子的故事;但再深入一層,那不是單純虛榮,而是一種很深的羞恥感。

他不是不知道家人未必會怪責自己,他是無法接受自己由一個一直撐住家庭的人,突然變成一個需要解釋失敗的人,而這正是過往他要求下屬解釋的事情。

很多人以為,Authenticity,也就是真實性,只是做自己、說真話那麼簡單。但在真實的人生裡,真正的 Authenticity 往往沒有那麼浪漫。很多時候它是一種很艱難的選擇,你要承認自己跌下來了,承認自己現在並不如外表那樣穩,承認你也有脆弱、也會失去、也會害怕。這對很多成年人來說,其實非常難。因為我們從小被訓練要撐住,要「似樣」,要有交代,久而久之,連自己都開始相信,唯有表現得沒有問題,才值得被愛,才不會令家人失望。

在那次教練對話裡,他並沒有急着談下一份工作。相反,他更想理解的是:為甚麼自己會如此難以啟齒?為甚麼被裁後,那份羞恥感會如此深?工作對他而言,究竟代表了甚麼?

隨着對話慢慢展開,他開始回望自己,原來真正令他痛苦的,不只是失去工作本身,而是身份感突然被抽空,以及那種「我不再是那個能夠撐住一切的人」的失落。

有時候,一個人需要的,不一定是立刻解決問題。而是先有空間,理解自己真正經歷着甚麼。

若一個人連自己現在身處甚麼位置都未能真正面對,再多的求職策略有時都只是技術層面的補丁。因為真正困住一個人的,往往不是能力,而是那些還未被看見的內在拉扯。對他而言,最難的,從來不是重新找工作。真正障礙他的是他不敢讓最親近的人,看見一個暫時失去位置的自己。

後來,我們談了很多。談這件事究竟觸動了他甚麼,談他究竟在怕甚麼、最害怕失去的是甚麼,也談工作、身份與價值之間,過去是如何慢慢連結在一起。

怕家人失望,怕孩子看輕自己,怕太太擔心,怕原本那個可靠的自己突然崩塌。可是再談下去,他慢慢發現,自己一直以來把「有工作」與「有價值」綁得太緊,好像一旦失去職位,連作為父親、作為丈夫、甚至作為一個人的價值也一起動搖。

這或許也是很多中年失業者最沉重的地方。

困難的不只是前路未明,而是內心深處開始懷疑︰若我不再是原本那個我,我還剩下甚麼?後來,我向他提出了一個問題︰「如果工作暫時不再定義你,你會如何看待現在的自己?」問題並沒有立刻帶來答案,但它慢慢鬆動了一些東西,也讓他開始重新思考。原來,一個人的價值,也許從來不只是來自一份工作。

第一次對話後,他跟我分享︰「我覺得自己好像一隻烏龜。之前一直躲在殼裡,只敢從殼裡偷偷看外面的世界。」我一直記得他的形容。

因為當一個人經歷失去、羞恥與身份崩塌時,很多時候,本能不是向外,而是先縮回去保護自己。但也許真正重要的,不是你有沒有害怕。而是,當你感到害怕時,你是否仍然願意,慢慢把頭伸出來。

很多時候,當人跌下來時,最難的並不是重新站起來。而是願不願意,讓真正愛你的人,看見那個不再那麼穩、甚至帶着脆弱與不安的自己。因為很多時候,我們害怕的,不只是失去工作,而是失去那個「一直都沒問題的人」的樣子。當一個人太努力維持自己「還撐得住」的樣子,有時反而會把自己真正可以依靠的人推開。你以為自己是在保護家人,但有時,實際上只是把自己困在孤獨裡。

那次對話後,當晚他選擇向家人坦白。

他把真相告訴家人,說自己已經被裁,說自己這兩星期根本沒有上班,說自己每天只是穿着西裝坐在麥當勞。那一刻,他其實很怕。他以為迎接自己的,會是失望、責怪,甚至沉默。

但事情沒有朝他想像的方向走。

相反,家人的反應比他想像中溫柔得多。家人沒有因為他失去工作便否定他,太太沒有責怪他。孩子也沒有因為父親暫時跌倒便看不起他。

那一刻他真正明白,原來自己一直苦苦守住的那層面子,並不是家人最在意的東西。家人真正想要的,從來不是一個永遠都撐得住、沒有失誤的父親,而是一個願意真實出現在彼此生命裡的人。

一個人不再把力氣花在假裝沒事,生命便會慢慢騰出空間。

也正是在那段空窗期裡,他開始重新看見自己不只是某個職銜。過去忙於工作,有些能力一直沒有真正用在家庭裡。那段時間,他開始幫女兒補習。這本來只是一件小事,卻慢慢成為了一個很有意思的轉折。

因為在陪伴女兒的過程中,他重新感受到︰自己仍然可以貢獻,仍然可以發揮所長,仍然能夠對身邊的人帶來價值 。而那份價值感來自一種更真實的存在︰我仍然有能力,我仍然對身邊的人有用,我仍然不是一個空掉的人。

一個人若一直只用職業身份去理解自己,一旦失去工作,整個人便很容易倒下。可是當你慢慢看見,原來自己有很多可以給予、可以連結、可以貢獻的部分,人的內在便會重新站穩。

幾星期後,他也順利找到新的工作。

但回頭看,真正改變他的,並不是找到下一份工作。而是他終於願意放下那個必須一直撐住的自己,重新回到真實裡。

因為當一個人不再浪費力氣假裝自己仍然站在原本的位置,他才真正有能力去面對當下、整理自己,重新出發。

這也是我很重視 Authenticity 的原因。

真實性,從來不只是一句好聽的概念。很多時候,它是在一個人最狼狽、最不想被看見的時候,仍然選擇不再演下去。承認自己跌倒了,承認自己其實也會慌亂,承認此刻的自己,仍然沒有答案。那份真實,表面看來像脆弱,實際上,卻正是重新站穩、重新開始的起點。

這個個案一直提醒我︰有時候一個人失去工作後,最先失去的,未必只是收入。而是那個自己一直以為必須維持住的身份。可是當你慢慢,不再只用一個角色去定義自己,你才會發現,真正支持你的人,未必在乎你是否永遠成功;你的價值,也未必只存在於那張職員證之中。

人生真正的轉機,有時並不是你重新站回原本的位置。而是你終於願意不再假裝自己仍然站在那裡。


Source: Stephanie The Coach

https://www.threads.com/@stephanie_the_coach/post/DaQhRWXCX-4

Thursday, January 30, 2025

為什麼原生家庭不好的長輩,特別愛討回報?(謄抄)

你有沒有發現,原生家庭不好的長輩,特別愛跟孩子討回報。

小時候,他們可能沒有給過你足夠的愛,也沒有真正關心過於你的感受,甚至讓你在充滿壓力和不安的環境中長大。但等你長大了、開始賺錢了,他們卻開始要求孝順,強調養育之恩,好像當初的付出,都是為了現在的回報。

可是真正的家庭,應該是愛跟陪伴的流動,而不是一場交易。愛是心甘情願的付出,不該是用道德綁架來要求回報;孝順不該只是拿來彌補童年的責任,而是來自被愛後的心甘情願。

你們覺得呢?留言幫我分享。 


Source: nini10068 那個妮

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFcGYM8zPh8/?igsh=czZoemFpMW5iazRs

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

小時候聽父母訴苦長大的孩子,心理問題會很多(謄抄)

小時候聽父母訴苦長大的孩子,心理問題會很多。

有些父母喜歡反覆訴說自己命苦、多麼不容易,為了家、為了你,做出了很多犧牲,受了很多罪,反反覆覆一直念叨。

還有些父母喜歡哭窮,總強調賺錢不容易,教育孩子別亂花錢;孩子想買點什麼,立馬就告訴孩子,家裡窮買不起,還指責孩子不體諒自己。

更有些父母會抱怨家裡誰對自己不好,自己生活在這個家是多麼委屈,「要不是為了你,早就離婚、斷絕關係了」。這樣的行為本質上是在轉移痛苦,明知道孩子不能解決任何問題,但他們依然長期用「都是為了你……」、「要不是為了你……」類似的話反覆言說。無法辨別對錯的孩子,只能吸收這份負能量,小小的孩子內心背著巨大的包袱,痛苦成長。

這種親子關系是顛倒的,孩子承擔了過重的情感負擔,而父母卻成為了依賴者,給孩子造成的影響,至少有以下五個(最後一條非常嚴重)︰

一、自卑,配得感低。哪怕他取得比較好的成就,內心深處依然是自卑的。

二、不懂得享受生活,不懂得愛自己。一對自己好一點,就會覺得對不起父母,背叛了父母。

三、無法正確看待金錢。要麼有花錢羞恥,要麼會報復性消費補償自己,走向兩個極端。

四、聖母心過重,總想去幫助別人。過度承擔本應該不屬於自己的責任,讓自己壓力很大,能量過載。

五、最可怕的,是無法處理好親密關系。他會本能的恐懼家庭生活,因為原生家庭讓他不相信自己會擁有美好親密關系,他不願進入。而一旦走進婚姻呢?他又有可能在親密關系中重現之前的家庭相處模式。

到底怎麼改變現狀呢?我們每個人都應認識到健康家庭的運行模式。 


Source: bywenans 柴先生

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFFL849z1Co/?igsh=MWE5dDMwZmxrenUxdQ%3D%3D

Friday, January 17, 2025

看起來「正常」的原生家庭(謄抄)

最糟糕的原生家庭是看起來正常的,這種家庭看似正常,父母也沒有什麼特別過份的行為,但其實問題反而更大、更隱蔽,讓你變得越來越敏感廻避,還特別沒有安全感。但是你甚至連根源都找不到,只以為是自己的問題。

第一種是習慣性否定。如果父母一直跟孩子講︰「你的感覺是錯的、你要聽我的」,其實這是在摧毀孩子的精神生命。很多孩子脆弱、自卑、抑鬱,都離不開父母十年如一日的否定。例如,他們常常會說︰「你看看別人家的孩子,再看看你,這麼簡單都不會,你這麼笨呢!早就跟你說,你就是不信。」對孩子而言,父母的批評和否定,就是在時刻提醒他「你很沒用、什麼都做不好」。在心理學中,如果一個人在很小的時候,父母對他的評價一直都是否定的、消極的,那麼以後無論他多優秀多努力,都很難成功,因為就在他快接近成功時,或者遇到一點挫折時,他心裏就會冒出一個聲音︰「你不行,你註定會失敗。」否定式教育看似可以讓「熊孩子」變乖,但卻是以摧毀孩子的自尊心為代價,讓他們長期處於在壓抑中。這種壓抑隨著時間的轉移會不斷堆積,到達臨界點時就會爆發。即使他們小心翼翼走過童年,長大後也要背負這份原罪,將父母的否定轉為自我否定,這也是他們做任何事情都有種無力感、喜歡半途而廢的原因。

第二個是雙重束縛。例如︰一邊說讓你不要不捨得花錢,一邊又抱怨自己掙錢不容易;一會兒說「不管怎樣我們都支持你」, 一會兒又說「你怎麼都不聽話」。他們會忽視自己話裡的矛盾,也不管你會不會糾結〉會不會崩潰。雖然對你好,但又夾雜著讓你窒息的感覺,會讓你在「要瘋了」和「還能夠」之間反覆橫跳,有愛又有傷害,捨不得又逃不掉,所以痛苦,所以患得患失,還會讓你變得因為一點小事就崩潰大哭。但在旁人看來,你是幸福的,有時候甚至連你自己也這麼認為,經常自我證明父母是愛你的,一直給自己洗腦,有時會覺得自己是個白眼狼、不知足,直到真正覺醒的一天,才真正開始心疼自己。

那麼我們要改變的第一步呢?其實就是承認父母並沒有那麼愛自己。

為什麼自己受欺負,父母還要責怪自己?讓從自身上找原因。為什麼服務不能接受自己是少數群體?其實我們在很多問題上的困惑,大部份都源於我們事先預設了父母是愛自己的,所以我們才會奇怪為什麼他們會這麼做。從小到大,我們聽到最多的是,沒有不愛孩子的父母,父母對孩子的愛是無私的,父母都是為你好。但是隨著我們長大,我們會有自己的判斷和感受。很多時候我們腦子裡會有一個念頭,他們好像愛我,但他們好像愛的是理想中的我、完美的我、聽話的我,他們會做讓我痛苦的事、會拆掉我的門鎖、不尊重我的私隱、不關心我真正說了什麼。但是感受到了痛苦的孩子,有些會給父母找藉口,比如「無論如何他們都是出於對我好的目的,我不能讓他們不開心」。就是這樣的思維,會讓自己越來越痛苦。所以想要改變,第一步就是有勇氣承認父母沒有那麼愛自己。


Source: bywenans 柴先生

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DE8-_IXTdiS/?igsh=MW1nbGFpaHFoang5OA%3D%3D

Thursday, December 05, 2024

Each place gives a different value to the same product


A bottle of water at Costco is $0.25. 

The same bottle in the supermarket is worth about $0.50. 

The same bottle in a bar costs $2. 

In a good restaurant or hotel it can be worth up to $3. 

At an airport or on the plane, you may be charged $5. 

The bottle and the brand is the same, the only thing that changes is the place. Each place gives a different value to the same product. 

When you feel like you are worth nothing and everyone around you belittles you, change places, do not stay there. 

Have the courage to change places and go to a place where you are given the value you deserve. Surround yourself with people who really appreciate your worth. 

Don't settle for less.💕

Source: Imasha Ekanayake 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thiswilldriveyouinsane/posts/1155447755925228/

Monday, September 16, 2024

內耗家庭都會有這四種特徵(膽抄)



家庭內耗的四個特點︰

第一、控制欲極強

一切都要按照他的心意來,否則就是會指責嘮叨、擺臭臉,並且喜歡道德綁架其他家庭成員。

第二、情緒化嚴重

不會冷靜溝通,總是用喊叫的方式來解決問題,從不覺得自己有問題,認為一切問題都是別人的問題。

第三、愛翻舊賬

遇到矛盾的,就把陳年舊事拿出來跟你說,口頭上就是「哎呀,當初你要是聽我的,怎麼可能會這樣」。

第四、雙面人

在外面是脾氣溫和的好人,但是在家裡面,專橫跋扈,對家人苛責,肆無忌憚的消耗家人對他的寬容。

如果遇到這樣的內耗王,我們需要有獨立的思想,生活上儘量保持距離感,別讓他吞噬你的能量。

Source: 莊雅惠

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C_9tb7cSI6P/?igsh=MzByb3J6dDcybzlo

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

人字有兩筆,一撇寫前半生,一捺寫後半生,前半生寫執著,後半生寫釋懷

很通透很有感觸的一段話:

終有一天你會靜下心來,像個局外人一樣,回顧自己的故事,然後笑著搖搖頭,浮生不過夢一場,所以能夠治癒你的,從來都不是時間,而是內心的那份釋懷和明白。

人生哪有什麼兩全之策,短短百年,不過是教人取捨罷了。手持煙火以謀生,且停,且忘,且隨風;且行,且看,且從容。

生活不如意之事十有八九,常想一二,不思八九。該來的都會來,該走的也會走,別抗拒,也別挽留。

昨天再好,也不能倒退;明天再難,也得擡腳繼續。生活雖然很累,但也還有值得欣賞的風景,有值得回味的往事,珍惜所有的不期而遇,看淡所有的不辭而別。

人字有兩筆,一撇寫前半生,一捺寫後半生,前半生寫執著,後半生寫釋懷。

楊絳先生說:" 生活,一半煙火,一半清歡;幸福,一半爭取,一半隨緣;人生,一半清醒,一半釋然。"

人生就是一半一半,甜中有苦,苦中有甜。有的人先苦後甜,備受摧殘,有的人苦盡甘來,老來得福。

心有山水不造作,靜而不爭遠是非,靜中無貪念,忙裡有歡喜,度四季,也渡自己,不念過往,不畏將來。


Source:

https://www.facebook.com/tan.chun.984/posts/pfbid0QqzCdmRvaZAxp9DVo8DxmcrYEe3xohQC1ZT8Vn97UTMsP8f8xLNHRtLoecyFDuLcl

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

【大人學書摘】和異性怎樣聊不停?從心理學切入,找出男生和女生截然不同的聊天技巧

今天,大人學想選一篇出自中國熱門節目「奇葩說」辯手寫的書《小學問》,這些辯手在「奇葩說」中,常針對一個議題反覆討論,其實這就是我們思辯的過程。這些觀點不見得已蓋棺論定,但是提供觀眾不同的切入點,很有意思。在這書中,有篇關於男生與女生在聊天模式上的差異及其有趣的觀察,想選來當作閒聊的補充知識。這也跟Bryan曾在《第一次閒聊就上手(五):男生如何跟剛認識的女生聊天》的一個概念有異曲同工之妙:為何有些男生的聊天方式會讓女生反感?其背後原因,來自「男生想要掌控局勢的慾望」。因為兩人初次見面,彼此關係充滿了不確定性,男生的天性會想要降低這種模糊感與焦慮,因此想要掌控全局,但是這都不是女生要的。

那麼,女生的聊天模式是什麼?女生想在聊天裡得到什麼、我該怎麼做才能讓女生跟我聊不停呢?

隨著閱歷的增長,很多人發現,年輕時覺得最拉風酷炫的愛情橋段,原來不是那麼回事。兩人長期相處,能避免誤解,才是最重要的前提。

所以,要有異性緣,首先得避開有關兩性的一些常見錯誤觀念。正確的理解,才是提升吸引力的正解。


第一個錯誤觀念是:女人天生就比男人嘮叨。


中國俗諺說:三名女人一臺戲。

西方俗話說:兩名女人等於一千隻鴨子。

女人話多,似乎是古今中外的共識。心理學家布哲婷(Louann Brizendine, M.D)曾經統計,女性平均一天要說兩萬個詞,男性只有區區七千個。當丈夫用完自己的話語額度下班回家,妻子還有一萬三千個詞沒說。

等一下,先問自己幾個問題:說女人話多的,通常是什麼人?男人。

什麼樣的人可以嫌別人話多?地位比較高的人。

同樣講半個小時,在員工就叫「沒重點」,在老闆就叫「深入透澈」。話多話少,絕對的數量只是一方面的參考值,更多的主觀感受其實是相對於「話語權」而言的。

話語權較低的一方,才有「話多」的問題。昆汀.塔倫提諾的電影就經常反用這個原則,用大段毫無意義的臺詞來彰顯權力感—被槍指著腦袋的人,絕不會嫌對方「囉唆」。

學者魏斯特布魯克與埃金斯拍攝了幾所大學教職員會議的全部過程,透過分析錄影發現,幾乎所有男士發言的頻率都比女士高。而且,毫無例外,每名男士的說話時間都比女士長。

根據記錄,男性每次說話,長達十到十七秒;而女性的發言,長度卻只在三到十秒。說話時間最長的女性,講的都沒有說話時間最短的男性多。

美國東北大學的拉澤跟他的同事用迷你攝影機研究了一百三十三名研究志願者的交談。這些人被分到兩種環境,一種是隨意聊天的環境,另一種則是有主題的討論,也就是「任務驅動型」交談。

結果,在隨意聊天時,男性和女性的談話意願相當;在任務驅動的合作性環境中,當群體人數較少時,女性勝出;人數超過六人時,男性話說得更多。

美國楊百翰大學(Brigham Young University)和普林斯頓大學的一項聯合研究也表明,幾乎在任何專業場合,男性都會佔用或分到更多發言時間。女性則會對自己的話語進行自我審查和編輯,會為說話太直率感到抱歉。但男性則毫無這方面的顧慮,甚至在沒有被問到的情況下也會咄咄逼人,甚至還會跟意見不同的人展開辯論。

簡言之:人越多,場合越正式,男性就越愛講話。

出現這種現象,主要是因為兩性對於「說話」的理解不同。

對大多數男性而言,對話就像一場競爭,藉由說話,可以展現個人的獨立性,彰顯自己的社會地位。所以,他們的重點是表現自己「不一樣」,比如男性喜歡說「我告訴你啊」「這你就有所不知了」之類的話。

而對於大多數女性而言,語言不是用來競爭,而是用來溝通的。所以,她們的重點在於維繫彼此關係,展現彼此的相似性。比如女性喜歡用「沒錯」「對呀」「我也這麼覺得」之類的話,順著對方的話題講下去。

所以,男人在公眾場合話多,女人卻在私密場合話多。就好像平常在家中,母親可能話多;一來了客人,父親就喜歡高談闊論、把酒言歡。

進一步來說,男生跟女生聊天的模式也很不一樣,女生是「重疊型談話」,男生則是「交替型談話」。當一群女生說話時,話題往往是共用的,她們說話的模式是大家一起說;而當一群男生聊天時,他們的話題往往是專用的,也就是你說就是你說,我說就是我說,談話必須交替進行,不能摻在一起。

假設現在有A、B、C三名女子一起談論她們的國慶假期。她們的談話大概會是如此:

A:「我跟妳們說,我上週去馬來西亞玩,那裡的海灘好漂亮。」

B:「哇,真好,我今年夏天到現在都還沒去過海邊。」

C:「是吼,我男朋友也老是說要帶我去海邊,但一直都只是說說。」

A:「哎呀,所以我去馬來西亞時,就一直在做筆記,把合適的景點都記下來,下次,我們就可以一起去啊。」

這就是典型的女生談話,一人提出話題,其他人七嘴八舌補充。但是補充和打岔的那些人,並不是要把話題搶走,而是想藉由「打岔」來參與,藉由「相互附和」把氣氛帶起來。

這個去海邊玩的話題,在她們的理解中是一群人「共用」的。所以,儘管女生喜歡插話,但並不是在打斷,反而是在附和、補充、參與、完成這段對話。所有人的談話是重疊在一起的。

反觀男生的習慣,則是強行扭轉話題,然後把關注焦點引導到自己身上,從而開始發表自己的長篇大論。

A:「我跟你們說,我上週去馬來西亞玩,那裡的海灘好漂亮。」

B:「馬來西亞這地方真的不錯,去年我在吉隆坡看到……」

C:「出去玩還是要找些小眾的地方,上次我去地中海一個小島……」

這就是為什麼男生特別強調「不要打斷別人說話」,因為男生的打斷,真的是打斷。即使接話時很客氣,看起來像是順著承接對方的說法,其實是另起爐灶。

所以男生講話時,通常心裡很清楚這是誰「專用」的話題。原則上來說,任何時候都只能有一個中心,旁人就算附和,也不能搶「主題發言者」的風頭,否則就是失禮。

這樣一來,從旁觀者的角度來看,就會覺得女生說話七嘴八舌,男生說話則是輪流高談闊論。因此,就算說的一樣多,也會覺得是女生比較愛說話。而當男女之間進行對話時,「專用」與「分享」的矛盾,就會更加明顯。

洛陽理工學院的袁宏智副教授針對男女說話模式進行了追蹤實驗,在分析十一組男女的三十一次談話錄音之後,他發現男方插嘴女方談話九次,打斷十六次,而女方沒有插嘴男方談話,打斷男方僅兩次。

重疊和打斷,往往會造成女方的沉默,使男方獲得改變話題的機會。語言心理學家漢考克和魯賓也觀察到,在大約三分鐘的對話裡,女人平均只會打斷男人一次,但男人打斷女人的次數多達二.八次。而且在表達要求時,女性往往是「旁敲側擊」,男性卻習慣「直截了當」。

可見,當男人說「女人更喜歡說話」時,一定要注意,這雖然有一定的生理和事實依據,但更多的則是由談話模式和權力關係造成的。

男人要警惕自己提起話題的習慣變成專橫霸道,女人則要防止自己分享和傾聽的習慣變成懦弱和退縮。

男女之間相互注意到對方特殊的說話方式,才能聊得開心。


全文選自《小學問》的〈女生真的比男生嘮叨嗎?〉一文

Source: 大人學

https://www.facebook.com/darencademy/posts/1503759809819384

https://www.darencademy.com/article/view/id/16612

Sunday, March 07, 2021

Five Signs of a Highly Intelligent Person


Editorial Rights purchased from Pinkeyes via iStock Photos

There are significant reasons to size up a person’s mental acuity. For example, if you are taking advice, interviewing, or communicating, it helps to know what you are working with. Many of the best managers are excellent at reading their audience.

If you are looking for a one-shot way to determine brilliance, stop reading now. If you are looking for exceptions to the following points, you’ll be able to find them. The following are correlative, not causal. This is an exercise in nuance. Because within nuance, you find most answers.

They Practice Intellectual Humility

I worked in finance and mostly hated it. However, one of the few perks was the people. The industry attracts and needs intelligent people. Consequently, hiring successful candidates mandated we get a quick read on them. Interviewing is tricky because everyone is putting their best foot forward and trying to sound smart, as perhaps they should.

A manager taught us a trick: ask a question the candidate won’t know the answer to. Then, observe how they act. A very good sign was when they could simply admit they didn’t know, rather than fake it and force-feed an answer.

This admission is a sign of intellectual humility, which is correlated to better decision-making. This is particularly useful in an industry plagued by arrogance. Intellectually humble people challenge their conclusions based on evidence and feedback from others. As a simplistic example, you’ll see this when people say, “From what I’ve seen, it could be true.” Rather than, “It’s definitely true.” They frame their observations as open to critique. They prize truth over ego.

Obvious Signs are Often a Valid Data Point

For example, people who refuse to social distance tend to be less intelligent. People who read in their free time skew smarter than those who don’t. Things that smart people tend to do, tend to be done by smarter people.

Many years ago, I was working retail at a used sports equipment store. A 10-year-old kid came in to buy a baseball helmet. I gave him the price. He held the helmet up, looked it over, then looked back at me, “Can you knock a few bucks off? I mean, look at these dents.” He pointed at the dents. I smiled and gave him a discount.

When he left, I thought, “That kid is going to do just fine.” Being crafty, demonstrating street smarts, and quick thinking is correlated to intelligence. In fact, Yale scientists found that street smarts are just as important for employees as their academic smarts. More plainly, you can be a mediocre student, with great street smarts, and go on to be very successful.

They are Meta, Literally

There is a newly popular phrase, “That is so meta.” Meta means something is self-referential. For example, a Medium article that is about Medium articles is meta. A video game where you play a character playing a video game is meta. The Onion famously did this with “World of World of Warcraft.”

Related to this, intelligent people often demonstrate metacognition. They talk about and analyze their own thought process. They are objective and critique their nature. They know when and how they perform best. A simple example of meta behavior is when someone says, “I need to put this on my calendar or I won’t hold myself accountable.” Unsurprisingly, people with high metacognition are often great students and employees. They leverage their self-awareness to their advantage.

They Know what Killed the Cat

Intelligent people tend to be curious. They have an itch to know more, to drill down on details, just for the sake of knowing. After all, that’s how we learn, right?

Curiosity is an indicator of intelligence in other animals too. For example, there was a study involving three language-trained chimps. Their job was to use a keyboard to name what food was in an unreachable container. The prize was, you guessed it, food. When the test food was visible, they just hit the correct button and got the food. When the food was hidden amongst various containers, the smarter chimps inspected and tried to peek inside the containers before giving their answers. They knew the odds of winning were higher if they learned more.

This chimp study is a basic example but reveals the power of information seeking (curiosity). And don’t forget, we share 98.8% of our DNA with chimps. The smartest chimps are measured by their ability to patiently learn and troubleshoot problems. Sound familiar?

The Strongest Indicator of Intelligence

My dad was an engineering major at the Naval Academy decades ago. He doesn’t brag very often about other men. It takes a lot to impress him. But one of his roommates, Charlie was a special classmate.

They were both in an industrial engineering class. It was the hardest class he’d ever taken. Dad said they’d come back to the room. He’d study for hours while Charlie only studied 20 minutes and then fiddled with his guitar. That roommate still got better grades than my dad, who is fairly bright, and it ticked him off to no end. That roommate went on to become a college professor.

At the pulsing core of intelligence is the ability to simplify complex problems and solve them, as Charlie did. Often, that skill is genetic. The people themselves don’t know how they do it. You can develop the skill as well. A physics professor once told me that, “A big problem is just a bunch of small problems combined. Learn to separate them out.” It’s all a matter of approach.

Conclusion and Takeaway

Society has placed a massive priority on intelligence. We often feel pressure to be smart and value those who are. Never forget the value of kindness and respect. Each person has their own combination of skills and gifts and should be respected as such.

Remember, outside of a psychologist-provided test, there’s no real way to gauge intelligence in one data-point. But if they do these five things, there is a very good chance they are quite smart.

1. They demonstrate a curiosity to learn more information.

2. They can openly admit when they don’t know something. They know and operate within their limits.

3. They can break down complex problems and cut straight to a solution.

4. They have an acute awareness of their own thought process. They critique and understand it. They use that knowledge to their advantage.

5. They display obvious signs of intelligence. They think quickly on their feet and have situational awareness. They wear a mask during a pandemic.

Source: Sean Kernan

https://medium.com/mind-cafe/five-signs-of-a-highly-intelligent-person-915cfe16bd1a

Wednesday, December 02, 2020

The whole world is accelerating to a so-called new norm.

The whole world is accelerating to a so-called new norm.  You can't catch up as you don't have the money they have and they are taking your money by ruining the economy with a pre-planned recession and move even faster.

Hong Kong Guru Wan Chin tells you: stay where you are, or even step back to where you were.  Then you will find they come back, accelerate towards you, move around you and you become their centre of revolution.  

Buddha says, devils follow us.  Not the other way round.

My lesson for you on Wednesday.  Namaste!


Source: 陳雲

https://www.facebook.com/wan.chin.75/posts/10158709109477225

Monday, October 12, 2020

Cutting Ties With Your Family Members Is Completely Fine, and Here’s Why

Illustrated by Daniil Shubin for Bright Side

Family ties are believed to be the strongest bonds that you can have in your life. Whether yours is family by blood or family by choice, you hope they always make you feel loved and you never expect to get hurt. However, some family members can become too toxic and that’s when breaking bonds with relatives might become appropriate.

Today, Bright Side would like to share with you 9 situations where breaking ties with toxic relatives is totally okay.

1. They gossip about you.

Our families are supposed to be people with whom we can share our most intimate secrets when looking for a piece of sound advice or simply sharing our joys. However, if your family members spread the secret information you give them further, run away from them or at least learn to keep your mouth zipped. Keep in mind that not only is it your secrets that should be kept inside the family, but also, those relevant events from your life that you share with your inner circle — no one has the right to carry the details of your personal life outside the place you call home.

© My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 / Universal Pictures

2. They judge you.

Healthy criticism is a good thing. It helps us to look at ourselves from another side and understand the mistakes we are making. And very often, these are family members that help us become better. However, if the criticism that they radiate repeats often and if it has an aggressive tinge and destroys your self-esteem, it’s high time you terminated these toxic people from your life.

© Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema

3. They turn to you only when they need something.

A toxic family member appears on the horizon of your life when there is something they can benefit from or gain from you. Once the task is complete, they will quickly disappear from your life until the next lucky chance they get to use your kindness. Do you know what happens when you need their help? You’ll hear tons of pretexts about why they can’t do things (if you can manage to even get in touch with them at all).

© The Great Gatsby / Warner Bros. Pictures

4. They manipulate you.

Healthy relationships are those where you feel free and happy. If you keep feeling guilty, stressed, and judged, perhaps you don’t need those relationships at all? Manipulators will do anything to keep control over you, your life, and your attention, no matter what they have to do. When simple tricks stop working, they will start using heavy artillery that can damage both your mental and physical health.

© Pride and Prejudice / British Broadcasting Corporation

5. They make you feel helpless.

This type of manipulating techniques is called gaslighting. People using it tend to make their victims feel unskilled and incompetent. They keep raising complexes within you, as well as question your sanity and sober-mindedness whenever you are about to make another important decision. If you feel like this is something that happens often when communicating with your family members, go ahead and cut the ties. Your mind and your psychological health will be grateful to you in the end.

© Revolutionary Road / DreamWorks Pictures

6. They try to control your life.

This reason is very close to manipulation, with one exception — in this situation, it’s their power that plays the main role. Oftentimes, dominant family members get so used to everyone listening to them without any objection that any attempt to go against their will is faced with aggression. Sometimes it can even rise up to the level of bullying.

© Sleeping with the Enemy / 20th Century Fox

7. They make you feel exhausted.

There are people out there in the world who have a unique knack for making their interlocutors feel exhausted after communicating with them. And sometimes those people can be members of your own family. If you feel a lack of energy every time you talk to this person, if you feel like you’re talking to a wall, if you feel like your tolerance is waning, phase this member out of your life. Your mental health will thank you for this.

© Revolutionary Road / DreamWorks Pictures

8. They keep reminding you of your past.

In other words, they keep rewriting narratives about your younger life, which you might want to keep a secret. Sometimes, reminding a person about their past can be pretty painful, but those family members who keep doing it even after you asked them not to, should be left in the past too.

© White Boy Rick / Columbia Pictures

9. They stress you out completely.

If the relationship with your loved ones stresses you out and creates chaos in both your mind and in your soul, when all you can talk about after interacting with your family member is how tired you are, then it’s high time you thought about eliminating them from your life (or at least communicating less).

© Enough / Columbia Pictures


Source: Bright Side

https://brightside.me/inspiration-family-and-kids/cutting-ties-with-your-family-members-is-completely-fine-and-heres-why-787060/

https://www.facebook.com/brightside/posts/3832712163524165

Saturday, October 10, 2020

作戰之後,是作賤

有時看到某些同道對大眾香港人說話帶點涼薄感覺時,總會令想起以前自己還是一個仍有左膠思想的人。

以前我不懂原因,也不追究原因,一切都根據自己的第一感覺而下判斷。

2017年這個page由講電影(主力係香港電影)到2019年決定講政治後,我開始明白涼薄說話背後是受過多少委屈,多少攻擊,多少誣衊,多少中傷。

面對這一系列的抹黑和攻擊,若果精神意志不夠堅強的話,可能已經會出現精緒問題或退出這些一面倒而不說道理的輿論。

但不少同道仍選擇繼續這場在網上輿論戰,若被人port死一個page或被FB惡意禁言就馬上開第二個,繼續參戰……越要我收聲我就越大聲。

在網路輿論戰上,我一直只是個初哥,由上年6月開始被販粉攻擊,被媒體職員攻擊,被黃絲攻擊,被講獨攻擊也曾令過我灰心……

偏偏看著同道們的努力,更有些同道賭上自己多年營運的專頁去宣揚正途,我這個小page算不上什麼,為什麼要灰心??

難道別人說自己是分化撚就代表自己就是分化撚嗎??

「把口生係人哋度,佢哋要講咩都得,因為佢哋唔會為自己講嘅嘢負責任。」

這是一句我年少時常聽到長輩教導後輩的說話。

不少同道於去年如同不用睡覺休息似的經常發文,推聯署,分析局勢,將香港主流媒體不常報導的外國媒體在網上分享出來。更多次見到陳雲先生可以凌晨四時分享一篇外國資訊的貼文,數小時後寫一篇局勢分析的貼文……

什麼人真的用盡精神,用盡自己能力希望打勝一場「香港憲法保衛戰」……

這些事我全部看在眼內,記在心內……

在這同一道上,我是看著他們一直以來的背影而追趕著,也從他們身上而學懂要令自己的心更強,不要成為玻璃心,跟自己說一定要更加進步,就算有些東西要捨棄也在所不計。

2019年過去,2020年到來。看著那些曾攻擊自己,曾抹黑同道的人開始自打咀巴,有時內心少不免會說一句:「報應。」

捉鬼捉至勇武退場,黃藍圈子越來越攪不清楚誰是支持政府,誰是反政府,配合政權將恐懼和愚昧帶入人群生活,不停轉駄,黃圈互相割蓆……

同道一直的善意說話或比較涼薄的提醒,他們毫不吸收,因此才落得如此下場和混亂……

香港人真的很可悲。

#香港有得救

#香港人無得救

Source: 觀影字語

https://www.facebook.com/100948461283843/posts/386144526097567/

Sunday, August 23, 2020

政治是甚麼?

政治是經濟、貿易、科技、軍事、外交、權力分配等的混合體,上述的每一項都是需要一生的持續學習才能理解的事情。

香港人留意政治只有這一年半載,還要只是一知半解、表面、偏面地去理解,所以他們常說CLS、荒謬、無腦白痴,之後不了了之,思考就停留在CLS了,但其實這樣才是最CLS的。

政治是最現實的,不管多麼的痴𨶙線,你都要思考,因為政治的能力影響著你的衣食住行、身心狀態。(就像大麻一樣。)

所以你更要不停思考,不停學習如何面對高深、全方位、多層次的政治角力,這樣才有機會找到你所渴求的人權自由,這樣才能與CLS的抗衡。

p.s. 請記住當你說政治CLS的時候,你才是最CLS的,因為你放棄了思考,放棄了抗衡,所以政治/掌權/統治者變得無孔不入。你只有思考如何抗拒、如何避免他們的干預,為自己負上責任,自己治理自己,你們才有丁點希望。更甚者,你們漸漸淪為助紂為虐、欺壓群眾的幫凶,而不自知。

p.s. 這是由上年6月開始到現在的觀察所發現的,放棄思考的位置有中大理大、區選、戴口罩、各項防疫措施等,到了現在更有大健康社會信用系統,以及將受中共委任,完全沒有民意授權的垃圾會議員。

p.s. 所以請多思考、多閱讀、多學習。

Source: 大麻乘

https://www.facebook.com/DaiMaShingHK/posts/3223790634401750

Friday, December 20, 2019

咁你話可以點做?

自本版建立以來,每當發文批評時局,我見得最多既留言係問我,「咁你話可以點做?」


第一,其實我一直都有講,反反覆覆咁講,不厭其煩咁講,要旨止在「修文習武」四字。香港政治最大既問題,不在於制度崩潰、吏治腐敗、官商勾結、販民左膠,而在於民智,民智一日唔開,就算將依家既美國送俾你地治理,一樣會落得香港目前既下場。而要民智開,一則讀書養氣,二則鍛鍊身體。

讀書,係學習他人及前人思想精髓,當然啦,唔係個個既思想都有精髓,部份人所著只係佢既思想糟粕,例如鄺俊宇。因此閱讀乜野書係好重要既課題,不過我並唔打算係度討論呢個題目,有興趣既可以留言,大家另外討論。話又說回來,即使係孔子、柏拉圖既著作,雖然係精髓,其實亦係糟粕,因為道之至微者,難以言傳,更難以文傳,所以讀書只係第一步,讀完要思考,要感悟,更加要實踐,斯《中庸》所謂「博學,慎思,審問,明辯,力行」是也。唐君毅先生曾經講過,「宇宙只是一大意味,人生即領悟此大意味之意味。一切語言文字最後都不能表達宇宙人生的奧秘。所以佛說法四十九年,最後說無所說;莊子說,言無言,終身言,未嘗言;孔子說,天何言哉,余欲無言。一切偉大著作的文字都只是象徵,是指不是月,如見指便不見月。故所有參透宇宙人生奧秘的聖哲都要人忘其所言,並領略言語外的意味,屆時便只有體會和讚嘆。」因此,要讀書,要揀好書讀,讀完要思考,思考完要實踐,實踐完發覺唔妥要反省,反省完就要改過。如果一個社會有一半以上既人可以做到咁,人人識得獨立思考,逐漸進入良性競爭,國家庶幾可望大治。民主而欠缺理性獨立思考同一心為公既良性競爭,到頭來只會變成另一種獨裁極權。獨不見雅典所謂既民主,最後竟然害死一代聖哲蘇格拉底乎?

習武,係為左強身健體,更係為左激發野性。有野性而無強健體格,就會變成走住屌既MK仔;有強健體格而無野性,就會變成九龍灣連儂牆打不還手硬食十三拳戇鳩仔。我相信無論係MK仔定戇鳩仔,都唔係大家心目中一個合格公民既模樣,更加唔係一個可以履行兵役、保家衛國既戰士。講到習武,又不得不講講我自己既經驗。我習武日子唔算長,大概係雨革之後,學既係日本劍道。師傅教我地,劍道講求氣、劍、體,氣係指出劍時既吶喊,劍就係劍,體係衝體,指出劍時既捨身。無錯,「捨身」,我認為就係劍道既精髓。幾年過去,我睇過既比賽唔少,親身參與既亦都唔少,我既結論係,的確「勇者得勝」。通常雙方一出劍,睇吓彼此個氣勢,已經可見勝負,尤其係攻戰雙方有無捨身既勇氣。我曾經同一個比我高段既人對打,開始前我先澄靜心神,摒除雜念,忘記會痛會死,上到場發狠就打,結果果場打得好好,事後對方都私底下同我講,有一下確實俾我嚇怕左。呢啲就係野性,野性就係你作為大自然一部份本身所擁有既天性,一份與天鬥、與地鬥、與人鬥既不屈之氣。武士道既野性源自其不畏死,不畏死既觀念來自佛家,《心經》有云「心無罣礙,無罣礙故,無有恐怖,遠離顛倒夢想,究竟涅槃。」因為已經擺脫五蘊、六根、六塵、六識、十二因緣、四聖諦而進入空空境界,其心如如不動,自然「無有恐怖」,因此一切生死苦痛劫難災害都不能入我空心而障擾之,故歷劫而不動。

「修文習武」大概就係咁樣一回事,但我要進一步指出,修文同習武並唔係兩樣獨立而行既事,而係相輔相成。劉劭係《人物志》中講過,「夫草之精秀者為英,獸之特群者為雄。故人之文武茂異,取名於此。是故聰明秀出謂之英,膽力過人謂之雄。若校其分數,則牙則須,各以二分,取彼一分,然後乃成。夫聰明者,英之分也,不得雄之膽,則說不行;膽力者,雄之分也,不得英之智,則事不立。是故英以其聰謀始,以其明見機,待雄之膽行之;雄以其力服眾,以其勇排難,待英之智成之。」簡單而言,有勇而無謀(習武而不修文),不過匹夫之勇,樊噲、周勃之流;有謀而無勇(修文而不習武),不過迂懦之謀,袁紹、劉表之類。所以,張良一謀士,而敢狙擊始皇於博浪沙,韓信一猛將,而能屈膝無賴於市井上,前者正是能謀而勇於行事,後者則是有勇而謀於將來。柏拉圖係《理想國》裡面都有提到,教育除左知識傳授外,亦都要體育鍛鍊,否則只會成為類似東方既窮酸腐儒。《周禮》中提倡六藝(禮、樂、射、御、書、數),其中體育類佔其二(射與御)。由此可見,修文同習武不可分割。


第二,我一直進行評論,都係站在執政者角度而言,所以我講既,如果你明白,就會知道係從全盤出發,而唔係著眼於細眉細眼處,如果你唔明,就會覺得我「只識批評,內容空泛,毫無實際建議」,而果句「咁你話可以點做」已經證明左你根本唔明白我係度講緊乜。

講到執政者,我又想講吓「雞蛋與高牆」呢句說話。記得2014年既時候,班戇鳩左膠好鍾意矯情造作咁自認係雞蛋,仲周圍問人你要做雞蛋定高牆。都唔講自認係雞蛋呢種示弱既戇鳩事到底有幾弱智,come on James,「雞蛋與高牆」同「你係藍定黃」其實完全無分別,都係順我者昌逆我者亡既二元霸權。記得當年有人問我要做雞蛋定高牆,我答佢,我要做坦克,輾壓高牆,然後自己重新建立新既高牆。到左今日,我想再補充一句,除左高牆,我連你班黃屍雞蛋都會輾壓埋一份。呢啲就係思想上既分別,而呢個分別,決定左你最後係當主人定係做奴才。販民左膠咁多年嚟都係憑住呢類仆街暗示式手段,灌輸我地「香港人係奴才」既思想,從而進行洗腦。

所以,奴才們唔明我講緊乜係好正常,不過我依家善意提醒吓你地,唔好再衝出嚟柒,問我「咁你話可以點做」啦,唔好再示短於人,俾人知道原來你係奴才思想啦。我見年尾就快到,先大發慈悲,提醒吓你地,等你地唔洗柒過年,算係積吓陰德。


第三,我被問得最多「咁你話可以點做」既階段係中大之戰、理大之戰直到區議會選舉完結前後。

老實講,真正能兵者,從不言兵。趙括紙上談兵,口若懸河,其父趙奢知其不得善終,最後趙括果然「不負父望」,不單臨陣授首,而且一舉葬送左四十五萬趙軍,最後「子哭其父,父哭其子,兄哭其弟,弟哭其兄,祖哭其孫,妻哭其夫,沿街滿市,號痛之聲不絕」,敗曬趙國所有家底,搞到國破家亡。所以我從不言兵。兵只能用,而不能言,尤其仲要公開講曬出嚟,人地就會知道你心思係點,可以揣摩研究,到你真正要上陣打仗既時候,敵人已經清楚曬你既底牌,試問你仲點打?果啲一日到黑係度侃侃而談既人,試問有幾多個真係有能力上前線帶兵打仗?試問有幾多個既意見真係有用?我俾五千人你,係旺角同黑警開戰,應該要係邊度建立據點?邊度可以埋伏?邊度可以屯糧?糧道應該設係邊度?點樣保護糧道?用咩戰術可以制勝?要幾多武器?武器要咩類型?你以為真正要組織一場戰爭係咁容易既事?我唔講,係因為我自知不足,而且知道講都無用,因為我只係個無兵司令。我講左又點?你地都肯聽我枝笛衝上前線執行我既計劃?唔會囉,你地只係口痕口賤,係要搵野嚟拗囉,係要雞蛋裡面挑骨頭囉,所以我唔會因為一時意氣,同你地逞口舌之爭,而輕言軍旅之事。《孫子》第一章第一句就開宗明義,「兵者,國之大事也,死生之地,存亡之道,不可不察也。」一件關乎所有人生命既事,同你三唔識七,仲要態度咁撚差,挑釁住咁問我,就要我隨隨便便講出嚟?瞓啦柒頭。

其次,我點解要一直屌鳩販民左膠販粉黃屍豬?因為你地係內奸,有你地係度,唔好話打贏仗,連唔打輸仗都好難。我未聽過有內奸係軍隊而軍隊可以打贏仗,所以我一直都致力肅清你呢班內奸,就係為左打贏仗。你地先係問題根源,係心腹之疾,黑警只係癬疥之疾,收拾左內奸,要滅黑警根本只係反掌之事。我地陣營之憂根本不在顓頊,而在蕭牆之內。所以,販粉黃屍豬們,如果你地真係想知「可以點做」既,咁我依家就正式答你啦,就係去維港集體跳海啦。

我一直以嚟論政,唔單止係從全盤出發,而且係從根本出發,而根本問題在於民智未開,民智未開在於販民左膠荼毒。我正正知道問題癥結所在,所以一直致力於解決呢個問題,呢個問題唔解決,其他免談。因此唔好再問我「咁你話點做先可以直搗黃龍」,如果你真係非問問題不可既,唔該問「咁你話點做先可殺左秦檜」。


第四,講到用兵,令我諗起「冷氣軍師」。自從「冷氣軍師」呢個戇鳩詞彙出現後,我早就想批評,不過一直苦無機會,今日就順便講講。我知道,好多我既反對者都覺得我係冷氣軍師,不過我想講,我唔介意你地覺得我只係個坐談者(唔通我識如來神掌又話你聽咩),但請你地鬧我之前,先搞清楚你地用嚟鬧我既詞彙概念,其內涵到底係乜野,如果唔係只會惹我嘲笑同鄙視,亦令我覺得莫大悲哀,「批評我既人點解質素都咁低?」

「軍師」既本質就係「冷氣」,劉邦稱讚張良「運籌帷幄之中,決勝千里之外」,「帷幄」就係「冷氣」,就係坐鎮後方,指揮前線。不過以前未有冷氣,依家有冷氣,所以以前係「帷幄」,依家係「冷氣」而已。軍師唔係坐係後方指揮進退,而係同將軍士卒一樣衝鋒陷陣,仲叫咩軍師?果啲人云亦云跟住用「冷氣軍師」嚟攻擊人既戇鳩仔,你地到底知唔知你地有咩矛盾?你地到底知唔知「冷氣軍師」同「阿媽係女人」其實異曲同工?你地以為用呢個詞嚟形容我或其他俾你地攻擊既人,就係嘲笑緊我地?殊不知辱在彼而不在此。

此外,通常會用「冷氣軍師」形容其他人既人,都會覺得自己唔係「冷氣軍師」,而佢地覺得自己唔係既原因,在於佢地有出去鳩叫遊行(如果連出去鳩叫都無,我真係唔明點解佢地好意思話人係「冷氣軍師」),所以佢地覺得自己好有建樹,而我地呢啲「冷氣軍師」就淨係識指指點點得把口。講到呢度,我又想講個故事。話說劉邦殺左項羽,正式奪得天下後,要論功行賞,於是劉邦首先封左蕭何為酇侯,食邑八千戶。班將軍不服,隨即起哄,向劉邦投訴,話自己披堅執銳,幾番血戰,攻城略地無數,而蕭何未有汗馬功勞,封賞竟然係眾人之上。劉邦回答佢地,話蕭何係發施號令既人,而眾將係獵狗,眾將攻城略地就好似獵狗擒得獵物,而如果無蕭何指示獵物係邊,咁眾將亦唔會擒得獵物,所以眾將係因為蕭何之功而有功,蕭何既封賞當然係眾人之上。我都唔講你地出去鳩叫,連功勞都無,就算有,都只係獵狗之功。我唔敢講自己係蕭何,我只係想為其他俾你地無理謾罵、抹黑、嘲笑而真正有蕭何之功既人講句公道話,你地就只係一群獵狗(甚至獵狗都不如),而「冷氣軍師」們先係蕭何。請你地唔好再用「冷氣軍師」嚟攻擊其他人了,因為咁樣只突顯出你地既智商同果班莽夫將領一樣,甚至更低。


第五,知唔知點解你地咁鍾意問人「咁你話可以點做」?因為你地由細到大受既教育都只係單向灌輸,而唔係雙向討論,亦即係為人詬病多年既填鴨教育。大部份父母同老師都因為掌握住細路既生殺大權,由有無得食飯,到品行同成績既評分,係咁樣既前提下,大人們好容易形成專斷獨裁既性格。尤其香港呢廿二年嚟既情況咁艱苦,好多大人係出面受左上司或老闆既氣,返到屋企或者入到教室就會將細路當成出氣袋,威權主義由是產生。

分享一個我既親身經歷。因為工作需要,我經常出入學校,接觸好多學生。有次我見到個同我幾熟既學生係度罰抄,我就走埋去睇吓佢抄緊乜,「黃老師是最美麗的老師。」我打個突,好奇之心因斯以起,於是問佢點解要抄呢句野,佢嘆一口氣,同我講,因為黃老師係課堂上讚佢自己靚,而呢個學生覺得佢唔靚,所以串鳩佢,黃老師老羞成怒,就罰佢抄呢句野一千次。呢個例子堪稱極權主義教育既經典。老實講,果個黃老師我見過,真係好撚醜,個學生只係因為講左事實,就要俾人施罰,咁同中國共產黨有咩分別?唔好話你咁撚醜我只係陳述事實吖,就算你好索,唔通我就奉旨要覺得你靚?知唔知咩叫感覺?識唔識分咩係客觀同主觀?柏拉圖係《泰鄂提得斯》裡面講過,感覺只屬於個人,一陣風吹埋嚟你覺得凍我覺得唔凍,唔通我可以話你覺得凍係錯?然則睇同一個人,你覺得靚我覺得醜,有咩問題?個學生有咩錯?

我講呢個故事,係想俾大家知道,我地既教育環境到底有幾腐敗,而由咁既腐敗環境教出嚟既人,會係點樣既人?威權教育教出嚟既就係奴才,奴才就係只識唯唯諾諾,無自己意志,無自己思想,遇事只識得請示主子(但去到要為自己謀利既時候,佢地就即刻精甩鞭,個腦轉得鬼死咁快,不過都只係朝夕自快既魚戲於釜而已)。所以淨係識一日到黑係度問「咁你話可以點做」既人,好反映得出你受(威權)教育既程度有幾高。

此外,智能手機普及,Facebook呢類單向餵飼式平台出現,亦加劇左「無意識接收訊息」既慘況,令到人類越嚟越唔識思考,個個淨係識得張開個口,等人地餵飼。香港人係新世界秩序者令全人類變成弱智既陰謀同中國共產黨奴化教育兩面夾擊之下,會出現大量咁樣既人,我並唔驚訝,只係覺得好撚煩。


最後,我非常歡迎大家理性討論,我最鍾意就係大家就住一件事據理力爭,不斷互相錘鍊,最終得出一個最好既結論,大家因此而共同進步。我認為只有培養出咁既風氣與習慣並成為社會主流,民智先會開,販民左膠先會滅,香港先有得救,其餘一切都係左計。

此外,如果你只係諗住嚟找我晦氣,刁難我,咁我勸你都係慳返啖氣,唔好自取其辱,無論藍屍定黃屍。至於一眾販民左膠保皇狗既打手們,你地即管放馬過來,我預先係度祝你地賺到錢都無命洗,冚家落地獄,接受永火洗禮,唔怕死既就嚟我度洗版啦。

Source: 南金東箭

https://www.facebook.com/103378051022204/posts/164436051583070

Thursday, November 07, 2019

Speech of Prof. Rocky Tuan, CUHK Vice-Chancellor and President, in 87th Congregation (Conferment of Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees) (Transcript)

A very good morning to all of you.  It's a wonderful day.  You can see the sky is blue, the sun is out.  I welcome all of you to this wonderful occasion.  Before I begin, I'd just like to say a few words.  Regrettably, some actions last night and this morning, which were somewhat careless, disrespectful and sometimes hateful, has caused some defacement of university properties and has also compromised the very nature of this ceremony.  This is a happy occasion, this is a celebratory occasion.  It's particularly for our graduates, their family, and their friends and guests.  On behalf of CUHK, I would like to express my deep regret for some of the compromises that we've seen.

Now, in view of some of these things, I will actually forego my prepared speech.  It's a long speech - I think you are used to long speeches from me.  I will instead post my speech on the website, in Chinese as well as in English.  You can take a look at what I have prepared.  Instead, I just want to really talk to all of you, directly from my heart.  Of course, my audience today is the graduates.  I am very proud of all of you.  You have worked very very hard for today.  Today is a wonderful occasion for you to remember for the rest of your life, that's number one.  Number two, it is an occasion that your friends, your family, your teachers - all of us - will remember.  It's something that one day when you go through your photo album, you will point to this and tell your children, "See, that's dad, that's mum, we had a wonderful time."  I want you to remember that.

My message today will be very succinct and to-the-point. I have three things that I want all of the CUHK graduates to remember today.

1. Community

Human beings, by definition, are community animals.  No one lives alone, no one ever lives alone.  It's a very terrible life to live alone.  We are all part of the community.  Today is a transition.  Graduation is a transition.  You will be changing forever the way you live because you will be moving from one mode of living to another.  The mode in the university is, for the large part, a receiving mode.  You go to class, you get a grade, you have to hand in your homework, you have to go to the cafeteria at a certain time because otherwise they close.  So it is always receiving, a lot of it.  But after you graduate, it is a time to share, it is a time to serve.  You will be serving your community, whichever community you happen to be in.  So what is a community?  A community is by definition not a group of clones.  A group of clones is not a community.  A community is made up of different people.  They have different values, they have different lifestyles, they wear different clothes, they have different favourite colours, they like different kinds of music, they wake up at different times of the day.  A community is, by definition, a group of different people who live together, who work together, who hang out together, who go to the same things together.  You will be a member of that community.

How does a community thrive?  How does a community grow?  It is built on mutual respect, mutual understanding, that you all start with serving the community as your premise.  I think at the end of the day, when we finish our life on Earth...  I often compare the Earth to a spaceship, which is flying through time and space.  We are all passengers.  We have a ticket - we get on and at some point we have to get off.  When you get off, what is the meaning of your existence?  The meaning is what you have done in terms of serving the community.  I urge all of you to remember that.  This is an important moment in time.  You will be transitioning from the university to the community.

2. Life

The second thing I want you to remember is that life is a continuous one.  Every day is not a single day.  Today is the tomorrow of yesterday, and it's also the yesterday of tomorrow.  It goes on.  Life goes on.  So never only pay attention to today.  Do not be deterred by any failures you have today, and also, importantly, never be content with whatever success you have today because life goes on.

Some of you may know that I am actually sort of a tissue-engineered stem cell guy.  What we do in my lab is that we do 3D bioprinting.  We take little things, we build them one stack at a time, and we end up with a 3-dimensional object.  I often tell the people at my lab, the people I work with, "3D is not enough, it is 4D - life is 4D - because this thing that we've just made which is 3-dimensional actually have another dimension.  That dimension is time."  Time is about one day following another.  So always remember, do not be deterred by whatever you failed today, and never be content with whatever success you may have today.

3. Happiness

The last thing I want to say is about happiness.  I am no smart philosopher, so I am going to quote somebody else that I believe is probably one of the most amazing humanitarian that has ever lived, Albert Schweitzer.  He was a physician, philosopher and humanitarian.  He devoted his whole life to making life better for others.  I'll just quote what he said.  Some people may say success is the key to happiness.  He would say, "Happiness is the key to success."  If you are happy doing what you are doing, you will succeed.  Always remember that.  You start out with happiness, then you will succeed.  It doesn't go the other way.  Most of the things Albert Schweitzer said is very true.  I think this is one of them.

I will stop here and I have to say farewell to all of you. But I have to emphasis the farewell is just for now because I am sure all of you will come back as CUHK alumni and I will see you on campus.  Thank you.

Tuesday, August 06, 2019

「你跟他有甚麼分別?」vs「禮尚往來」

「一個是為了傷害對方而攻擊的人,一個是為了保護自己而還擊的人,我們到底哪裡一樣了?」

「如果你也XXX的話,那你跟他有甚麼分別?」完全無視了所有現象發生的背後意思,讓自己所聞所見都只流於表面,真的是很可怕的句型。這種假中立,其實就是站在強權那方。

這叫作「禮尚往來」。


Source: 茶里

https://www.facebook.com/Charlie87/posts/1550481935076844

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

會考與人生

睡醒之後,早上就是DSE中學文憑試放榜之日。有些同學的中學階段結束了,有些同學是大學的開始。以我這個已經度過五十歲而讀了博士、做過高官的人來說,回顧三十幾年前中學會考,覺得良好的會考成績,只是鋪好了一條簡單易行的路,令我疏懶地應付人生,結果吃了很多苦頭。中學期間的辛勤向學,換來的是日後的精神怠惰,要好努力才補回那些在大學校園和官場以外的人世歷練和街頭智慧。得失與禍福,總是如影隨形。不要以為考得好、路容易行,就以為成功在望,那是令人精神怠惰、道德虛偽的路,不真實的路。行上那條學院的路,思維會得到很好的鍛煉,但其他的感性和知識,必須自己在校園之外學回來。

更何況,香港在九七之後,因為《基本法》的五十年期限,令中國在九七之後部署二次接管香港,不斷赤化此地、人口殖民此地,香港人即使讀完大學,也沒有以前的路好行,畢業之後也只是浮浮沉沉,半死不活,輸給那些有身世和人脈的大陸學生或海歸派。我的永續《基本法》的議程,令香港產生本土政府的議程,中學畢業的同學是沒法投票支持的,但我會默默將它做好。

文憑試考得差,不要怨恨自己,那是自己暗中為自己鋪了另外的路而已。請面對真實的自己,體驗真實的人生。二十歲之前做的事,那些所謂成就,到了你五十歲的時候,便知道是一場空,不屑一顧。

人生的苦頭,總是要吃的。會考成績好,路行得順,是將苦頭延後。成績不好,是及早把苦頭吃了。這兩條人生路,哪一條比較好?我也說不准。我只能說,在青年的獨身時代多吃苦,比起有家室之後吃苦要好,不會累及家人。至於吃苦之後是否有甜,我也說不準。你自己去找。

Source: 陳雲
https://www.facebook.com/wan.chin.75/posts/10154276260062225